Archive for June, 2012

June 12, 2012

When I love you

I love
your voice,
My Heart
Your Lips,
My Eyes
Your skin,
Can’t Touch
I love you
Here
I love you
there
I love you
now
I love you
then
Not tomorrow:
you will be
gone
I love you
there
But I want you
here
touch
kiss
love
but I can never love thee
for you wont wake up tomorrow
here
for me to love

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June 5, 2012

Writers Fog

You are completely frustrated-sitting. This was supposed to be easier, you think. You were supposed to be able to pick up a pencil (pens are no fun) and it would dance in circles across the page like a flamenco dancer. Creating whole choreographed stories that would detail each wrinkle of a smile and the pitch of a sigh. But its fucken hard. Your pen stands idly on your hand. 5 minutes turn to ten and looks eerily to going past twenty. You have tried-pathetic word which entails failure-but nothing rings true. You have tried to create a fancy convoluted story as an excerpt for your fears. With an evil treadmill that mocks you. Real life scenario in which your excuses of not having taking initiative by being complacent manifests in the metaphor of a slow runner. You story continues to communicate these fears in such a repetitive, convoluted manner that Hemingway would certainly swear of drinking if you stop violating the English Language.

Your writing is handicapped.

While coming to your realization you become aware of the feast your legs have become to mosquitos. You sit Indian-style scratching the bites more than you are scratching your paper. It mocks you. But you stubbornly leave your legs interlocked. Stay until you have written something of anything.

Ha, you gave up a fancy career in finance for this? Gave away your tie and derivatives for a pencil and a broken hand. Reminding you of those awkward moments when you cannot muster the courage to tell people you are a writer because it is but a synonym to being unemployed.

The lights in the park turn off. Blind. Another beautifully valid excuse for you to get up and go home. Another day to disappoint yourself. Another day to retard your passion.

FUCK THAT! Your body echoes as you stretch your desire and stand. You feel like Spiderman after just having gotten pwned by Venom. You stand because your heart is fucking percussioning this symphony that is your dream.

You walk across the park-ruffling in the bushes. Heart skips a beat only to have your new found courage frightened by a small, sniffing dog. You crack a smile. The owner stands at a distance-bag in hand-with a confused look trying to look where the hell his dog pooped. You head away from the bay towards the street. Your journal branded onto your arms. You don’t want to go home, cannot go home: you might as well cut your hands off at this point. Looking across the street you spot a small cafe: Bottega. Hope. Smile. Speeding heart fueling your accelerating, twitching fingers: eager to write. They never tell you the importance of observing: Shakespearean eloquence is useless unless you are willing to be a complete creep. Your feet speed. Worse than having to pee. You ponder stopping in the middle of the road-words are overflowing-to write. As you approach this beacon of hope you see people. The perfect ingredient for this concoction you call writing.

Two men are sitting is a manly manner: arms stretched to the neighboring chair and legs in a wide sumo wrestler stance. Power resonates from them through their conquering of space. You open the door trembling at the risk into going into a convulsing writing fit. You want to write, some hot chocolate won’t hurt. There are a group of young adults inside. A young man with a red shirt and short brown hair is standing: center stage to his hungry audience who hang on his every word. He moves are relaxed and his hands compliment his speech.

At this point your hand has been seduced by your pencil: furiously tap dancing words. Words print becomes smaller and fragmented. Shit, you don’t think you will be able to decipher anything you are writing later, but fuck it at least you are breathing.

You step forward to the counter and see they have tiramisu. Toothsome.

“I’ll have a hot chocolate and tiramisu, please” you say as you momentarily lift your gaze along with your pencil to retrain you picassoinng across the paper. Returning both immediately to harvest your thoughts back onto your paper.

“Here, that will be $9.57” He has a strong Latin accent accompanied by a kind voice. His eyes curiously observe you furiously vandalizing your paper. You look up, feeling his gaze, anticipating a question.

“Are you writing a review for us? Marge, give him extra chocolate”

You smile broadly and say, “No, I am just trying to write.”

June 5, 2012

Crumbed Apple Pie with a Scoop of Ice Cream

I am waiting for some apple pie: crumbed apple pie with a scoop of ice cream to be precise. Ordering apple at a bar-how bizarre it must seem to the bartender. Sitting, with a book in hand reading -a real hard cover book. Not one of those drone operated “nooks” that have violated the essence of books. Mhm the wonderful smell of hard drive and plastic.

Midday fills the bar with oddly normal people with golf wear- beige shorts and Polos. People who feel that the only way to flex their intellectual muscles is by pointing out all possible flaws.

“It’s a bit watery” Poshing his fingers to point at the beer glass filled with stout, he tells his friend as he prepares to paint his knowledge onto the world. His arrogance flows from his shoulders overpowering the bar. His voice calm and eerily friendly-a hey buddy sort of voice.

“Yeah, it is, the taste is a bit light,” mimics his friend who reeks of insecurity as his leg trembles rapidly on the bar stool. His elbows on the bar as if trying to hoist himself up in his self-delusional lie of actually being able to tell the difference.

The intellect vaunting fellow spikes his courage with the pleonasm of arrogance which drips from him as he waves down the bartender.

“Yes?”

“The beer is a bit light”

A look of being taken aback paints over the bartenders face. Either a mastered act from years of dealing with pestering, soon to be drunks-or the honest look of ignorance.

Ignorant people reassuring ignorant people on vital matters. Welcome to our modern society.

“Really? Let me check the draft”

Key words to add flames to this blundering attempt of fire trying to be lit with logs of concrete. A Christmas gift. Food. Nourishment. Nutrition.

The bartender crosses the bar, no crumbed apple pie with a scoop of ice cream in hand.

Then a bantering of blind ping pong players tossing the same ball back and forth only to realize they are playing against a mirror with themselves.

“Watery”

“Very light”

“Flat”

“Almost coke like”

“I have this all the time”

The bartender on the other side helplessly pours himself a sample of this mediocre stout and tries it. -Nothing

“Eric, try this”

A smile cracks across my observing gaze. The oddity of the blind leading the blind on a treadmill being operating by an armless paraplegic.

He returns to the fellows being pestered by their watery stout. Confidently he stands for he possesses the very words which will satisfy any ignorant fellow.

“I know nothing about beer” -honesty? “But my friend there tried it and said it was good, and he is Irish” -Conviction and logical reason.

I sit there pondering the absurdity and wondering how long it takes to serve some crumb apple pie with a scoop of ice cream.